It has been an interesting past few weeks around here. I keep getting the message, in various ways, to slow down and get still. Stop what I am doing and just be in the moment. However, when I do just that, I am overwhelmed with a brokenness that fills me up to the point of shattering. Every single time my cell phone rings, I think for a moment it's my sister on the line. I see something in a store and think, "Oh, Cindy will like this." I wanted to go to an evening church service yesterday and the first person I thought of to go with me was the one person who never will be able to again.
My twin and I were very much alike but at the same time two very different people. The thing that gets me about her absence is, our history, our past. I never ever had to explain something from our past to her because she lived it right along side of me. Sometimes all I would have to do is look at her and she would know exactly, exactly what I was thinking. So when I get still, very still, there is a loneliness I have never known before. I know, I know, I know it will pass. Or at least lessen a whole lot. But for now, when I slow down and just try to be in the moment, my mind races with what to do with all this quiet time so I won't have to sit here alone.
I'll keep being still though. Because one day, the sun is going to shine so bright and it's going to be just fine.
How about you? Do you ever get so still you can't stand it?
I am so grateful for a bunch of spontaneous love from the kid.