Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

For anyone who knew her, please consider yourself welcome to attend...

Please keep in mind this is not a funeral, it is a celebration of her life. Celebratory attire suggested. (Think party, not funeral.)

Tuesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the opportunity to express pent up emotions in a safe place.

Illustration Friday_Worn

Claudette has worn her prideful personality just one day too long. After hurting her last and only friend one time too many, will she ever realize her mistake and be able to right a wrong? Or is her welcome all worn out?

I've been gone from Illustration Friday and it feels good to be back.

Monday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a new project to be working on!

Memories.

I started this painting today. It's in honor of my sister and a combination of memories we would have had IF we had taken that trip to Paris. She always wanted to go and we cancelled our plans last spring, putting it off yet another year. It looks pretty bad at the moment, hopefully this painting will take a turn for the better as I work more on it.

Life is short folks. Take that trip you've always wanted to go on. See your family when you have the chance and when opportunities come up to go out with your friends, always go. Even if you don't feel like it. Most likely you'll be glad you did.

Sunday's Gratitude:
I am so glad to have a clean car. Clean cars always drive better, don't you think?

You say it's your birthday! Gonna have a good time!

A big shout out to my friends Barron and Chris. Happy Birthday! Hope it's a great one!


My friend Danica surprised me with this hand made necklace of a hawk. It's just so lovely and meaningful. The amount of giving of heart and soul by very loving people in my life has left me humbled beyond measure. My sister and I discussed this very fact before she died and we both were left in awe with our mouths left gaping at the open generosity and beauty shown during this very difficult time. It made me realize that I need to express to more people all my good thoughts running through my head about them and share warmth and generosity at a higher level. We just don't know how many days we have on this earth. Thank you lovely people!

Saturday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the sun peaking throught the morning clouds.

It's more fun to act like a kid.

What do you do when summer has arrived and you are itching to get out in the fresh air. Well, you take a bunch of kids to the Del Mar Fair!

Fruits of the Spirit.

Look what showed up on my doorstep today. Wow! It was amazing. Thanks Barron and Tom, you rock!

Reaching...

You just may be seeing this display in a store near you sometime soon. Squeak.

Just got back from a night out with my Gala Girlz. Time spent with quality people is what it is all about. I am so fortunate to have a plethora of really, really nice friends. So much love, so much support, so much life. Thanks for a fun evening out my friends!

Quote of the Day:

"What you get by reaching your destination is not nearly as important as what you will become by reaching your destination." - Zig Ziglar

Thursday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for very meaningful conversations with a true friend.

Crazy Eights.

It has been said if you are experiencing great loss, it is because you have been richly blessed by life.

In case anyone is reading this and is wondering about a service for my sister, there is something in the works but it won't be until July 9th (or there abouts.) So feel free to go away on your 4th of July hoopla and check back in to the regularly scheduled program upon your return. I'll post details when we have them.

Wednesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the chance to play a crazy game of Crazy 8s with my son. Repeatedly.

Just havin' a little fun.

If you don't eat your veggies around here, they will be forced upon you!

Pretty, pretty petunias.

Thank you Kevin and Kendra!


Thank you Karen!

Oooo, look! Preeettttyyyy!

My lovely friend Pam over at Doodlestreet, sent me a surprise today. Thank you Pam, I love it. The details are so intricate and the colors are so fun and vibrant. It most certainly brightened up my day!

Tuesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for having incredibly nice people in my life.

5 Minutes behind.

I love walking. Really. I have been power walking almost every day for about 2 years now. I love it. Especially early, early in the morning when the sun is rising. It's the one time of day where you can be surrounded by your thoughts without interruptions, a space to really let your mind wander or contemplate. 

So, of course the other day I was thinking about my sister. She was born 5 minutes before me and ever since that day, I have been hot on her heels only to find myself always 5 minutes behind. 

She has always been 5 minutes cooler than me, 5 minutes more stylish, 5 minutes more witty, 5 minutes better in art, 5 minutes handier with power tools, 5 minutes smarter in math, 5 minutes more versatile in the kitchen, 5 minutes better in investing, 5 minutes more daring with her hair, 5 minutes ahead of me to forgive, and 5 minutes more knowledgeable of when to keep her mouth shut. Now she is 5 minutes ahead of me in heaven and I never told her these things. I guess she's going to have to wait out those 5 minutes until I get a chance. I'll just keep walking and talking and maybe one day she'll hear me.

It's only Monday.

Let me tell you, "loser mom" has been in town for a while. (That would be me.) On one of my boy's last days of school, I was walking him in and looked down at his shirt to see hand prints of smeared tomato sauce all over it. He had picked a dirty shirt out of the laundry basket, maybe even the floor as it may have not even made it to the basket yet, and put it on to wear to school. I didn't even notice until we were at the school's door. In this photo, "loser mom" has let the boy and his sleepover friend outside to pull the dead parts off our palm trees for fun. FOR FUN! Yup, that's "loser mom" for you. The friend is back for another sleepover, I wonder if I could get them to see the fun in cleaning out the garage!

I am painting this and the little blue one down on the floor. I have a licensing deadline so I am frantic at the moment, which is good because it is very soothing and distracting for me. I like it.

This morning, very bright and early, I went out walking to search for hawks. Not even search but more like hunt because I wasn't coming home without a sighting. I walked and walked and even made sure I looped around the Balboa Park Golf Course because we all know hawks can be found near canyons. Well, not one sighting. Not one. I eventually had to go home but I couldn't believe I didn't see a hawk. Weeelllll, later today, we went to the bay in Carlsbad with family and while I was talking, a large hawk and a smaller one circled above us right when I looked up. I told everyone to look and then I looked down for a moment and then looked back up and they were gone. GONE. Not even in the far horizon flying away, just gone. They were here to say, "Hey, girl, it's all OK."

I think it's all gonna be OK.

Monday's Gratitude:
I am so grateful for coffee. I really love coffee and it's my backbone to get me through the day for now.

Awwwwwkkkkwwwwaaaarrrrrddddd.

My very good friend Barron spotted two hawks flying together and circling. One was larger than the other and they were dancing in the sky. I like that. Has anyone else been so lucky to see a hawk or two?

It has been about 39 hours since she's been gone and I was already stared at today. Not by the little stack of money you can save by switching to Geico but by someone I casually know and ran into today. I was stared at, not because I am now the freak with the dead sister or I have a veil of sadness I carry around for everyone to see, but because that person didn't know what to say and was probably curious how I was holding up. Still, when I looked back after saying goodbye, I was being watched. I think I'd rather have the little stack of money.

Sunday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the pleasing distraction of lunch and a movie by my lovely friend LT.

Words are fuel for the imagination.

Along with my quotes of the day, I have a dictionary word sent to my email account that I try to incorporate into my vocabulary, therefore trying to convince people I am so smart and worldly. (Ha-ha) This word came up today, very interesting word and I'll try to use it in a sentence.

Word of the Day:

tutelary \TOO-tuh-lair-ee; TYOO-\, adjective:

Having the guardianship or charge of protecting a person or a thing; guardian; protecting; as, "tutelary goddesses."

My sister, once gracing this earth with her remarkable & energetic spirit, can now be known as a tutelary being, gracing our existence as a spiritual goddess.

Happy Father's Day and Summer Equinox! Make it a great one!

Back to the basics.

I can't breathe.

Quote of the day:

"None ever sought Me in vain. I wait with hungry longing to be called upon."

I miss you already.

My sister died this morning. 

I can't believe I am actually writing that because it just seems like she is just away on a vacation and will be back soon. My last day with her was really nice. We talked about my dad, who came to see her, and she said he would be back soon. 

So, I knew yesterday was probably going to be the last day I saw her alive. It actually is OK though. She knew where she was going and I know she would be in very good hands. She is happy now, holding hands with my father and feeling absolutely no pain at all, just pure bliss. Still, I can't believe this is my nightmare and not someone else's.

P.S. Two hawks were spotted yesterday flying together, just circling around. Nice.

Friday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful to hear about my father.

Saturday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the support of very, very caring people.

Thoughts on Grieving.

So many lovely people have been expressing concern and interest on how to help the family out. I wish I had a list for everyone so I could give suggestions but my feeble mind goes completely blank when those questions come a knocking. So, here is a little list I found on line that may be of help. This territory feels so foreign so this info seemed pertinent for me and any others who are lost in wondering. It's a long list, so feel free to skim, ignore or absorb as much as you are comfortable with.

How to Support a Grieving Family Member or Friend

1.) Allow us to talk about our loved one as much or as little as we need. Listening to us during this time is the kindest thing you can do.

2.) Be liberal with touching or hugs. We often have a need for contact. But be sensitive if there is a need for space.

3.) Be understanding if we aren't "up to" attending celebrations or other gatherings, (ie: Christmas parties, baby showers, etc).

4.) Be understanding if we sound a little selfish. Only after we are able to adjust and experience the journey of grief can we reach out and help others.

5.) Don't be afraid of reminding us of our loved one. We haven't forgotten. Letting us know that you remember is comforting.

6.) Don't put-away or hide the loved one's belongings unless we ask you to. This may be something we need to do as part of the mourning process, or a way we find comfort.

7.) Know that in our struggles with grief, we may have difficulties with the following:

- planning a funeral or memorial service

- understanding our many emotions and feeling emotionally balanced

- coping with feelings of guilt, anger and jealousy

- dealing with normal daily functions due to lack of energy or concentration

- coping with the individuality of our grief as a family and as an individual

- remembering our loved one in special ways that are acceptable

- feeling different and subsequently, feeling isolated

- dealing with physical symptoms that arise due to grieving

8.) Offer specific help; such as providing a meal, running errands, or babysitting our other loved ones.

9.) Please don't judge us. You may not agree with some of our decisions, or the way we are handling things. Remember that you may not know all the details, and know that you can't imagine what we are going through unless you have gone through it yourself.

10.) Realize that saying "I'm sorry" at any time after our loved one has died is never inappropriate or too late.

11.) Remember our loved one, especially on difficult days such as Mother's Day, Father's Day, their birthday and death date. A card with a short note is always appropriate.

12.) Understand that the amount of time our loved one lived doesn't determine his/her value or the impact that the loved one had on our lives.

13.) Understand that mourning is a long, but necessary process. It may take us two years, (or even longer) to go through the phases of mourning. Even then, we will still have some "bad" days.



What to say to grieving relatives/friends:

"I'm sorry."

"I'm so sad for your loss."

"This must be terribly hard for you."

"What can I do for you?"

"I'm here for you."

"I want to listen."

"Talk as long as you want. I have plenty of time."

"How are you doing today?"

"You don't have to say anything at all."

What NOT to say to grieving relatives/friends:

"It all happened for the best."

"Now you have an angel in heaven."

"This is God's way of saying that something was wrong."

"You should feel lucky that you're alive."

"Put it behind you and move on with your life."

"I know how you feel." (unless you've been through a similar experience)

Awwwww Freak Out!

I come tonight empty handed. There has been so much kindness and extension from friends and family but tonight I just have nothing left. Most of the day today I was with my sister, recording her voice for her girls, writing down memories, chatting casually about nothing and everything. I left with a heavy heart, a nauseous stomach and a suitcase full of grief. (A bag I do NOT want to unpack.)

I went through some photos tonight and resurrected this one. There is a large group of girlz we hang with and we all have a cloth doll (well, actually two of them have plastic fantastic Barbie but that's for another story) that we will bring with us on vacations or outings and pose them. It's all in fun and we get a good laugh. The cute one on the left is my sister, Cizzle, the one on the right with the accidental mullet is me, Dazzle, and the one break dancing on the table is Leslie, LT. This made me smile so I thought I'd share. Sincere apologies if I shattered any images of us with these dolls. We are not weird, I promise.

Thursday's Gratitude:
I am so grateful for some really nice time with my sis.

Yada-yada.

How do you tell two young girls their mother is going to die? How in the world do you do that? I have asked myself that question too many times, but sadly, today I found out how exactly you do that. You just tell the truth. No sugar coating. No beating around the bush. Just all out raw truth. Yes, it is sad. So very sad. But at the same time, the truth is out and now the information can be processed and the game of living with the truth is on. Real emotions can be felt. We may not like it but as always, the truth shall set you free.

OK. So I was driving the girls (my sister's daughters) to go get some frozen yogurt for their mom and I was telling them about the significance of hawks for my sister and I. After my dad died, a hawk came and sat on my sister's water fountain for days just staring into her house. For the past 5 days, hawks have been hovering around me and one even swooped down about 3 feet from my head while walking early one morning. Yes, we have a thing for hawks. So, when I was telling the girls about the hawk and it's meaning, we looked out my car window and there was a hawk circling around in the air. I kid you not. I could not have staged that better, it was awesome. I think my dad's got this one covered.

My heart hurts. Not just with awful, ripped up emotional pain but a searing physical pain. I feel as though my heart is being held in my body with a giant push pin. I hope I'm not having a heart attack. That's all I need to do right now is upstage my sister's exit.

Wednesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a nice thai food lunch with sister-in-law.

Proof is in the Puddin.

Even though camels have humps, their spine – or backbone – is straight. The hump is made of sturdy towers of fat and grows above the spine. Eeewww!

Pastor Miles came to visit Cindy today, and I have proof in this photo! He is awesome and was delightful as always. He made Cindy's day. Thank you Pastor Miles!!

Tuesday's Gratitude:
I am so grateful for a lovely graduation ceremony for my son this morning. I now have a big ol' THIRD grader!

Keep Calm and Carry On.

Oooo, this quote was on my home page today. Gulp.

"Do not let difficulty conquer you. You must conquer it. My Strength will be there awaiting you."

Baxter rocks!

My sister was so fortunate to meet a new four legged friend today. It was loveable Baxter who apparently is quite famous with his own website, blog and new book! Who couldn't love a face like this? He was so gentle and amazingly sweet and you just wanted to give him a big squeeze. I did anyway. He sat on my sister's lap and just licked her and looked longingly upon her. (This is not my sister in the photo but the one and only Baxter's mom!) 

When his stuffed animal arrives, I am going to buy two. One for each of my sister's daughters. If you want to read more about this super hero therapy dog, go to www.momentswithbaxter.com or visit Warwick's bookstore in La Jolla for the big book signing tomorrow evening at 7:30pm!

Monday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a really lovely talk through meditation today.

Listen to your mom & eat your vegetables!

A little steak on a bed of spinach. A meal to make you strong as Popeye!

Sunday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a long day with my sister, writing down memories. It's so fun to reminisce and wander down forgotten lanes.

Careful! You'll shoot your eye out!

Wow. I'd really like to shout out a big thanks for all the really, really nice heartwarming comments and emails people have been sending me. I so appreciate all the kind thoughts and words more than I could ever verbally express. Thank you, thank you, I am so honored.

You know, it's really quite poignant that every single thing that exists has a beginning and also an end. Beginnings are usually so new and fresh with a hint of excitement in the air. A fresh start, a new life, a big move, etc. are all part of the new beginnings in life. I don't know about you but I usually don't think much about the endings until they are right in front of me with a dwindling beating heart. (Unless of course the ending is getting over a hideous case of food poisoning or the break up of a bad relationship, well, then I give it quite a bit of thought and can't seem to speed up time.) 

So when new phases of endings come around, I am very much taken by surprise. Even endings that seem inevitable, I don't prepare myself by doing homework but just sort of wing it. No matter how many times you experience death of a loved one, it is always surprising what emotions arise and how much you have to say and do to convey the love. The one thing that means the most in life, the love.

I am experiencing the fading of life with my sister. We are preparing for an ending neither of us want nor saw coming. I am trying to do my homework and not wing this one but I sort of feel as though I am mercilessly flapping my wings yet not taking air. I'll keep forging ahead in this uncomfortable territory, doing and saying and loving, but always wishing I was more prepared. I hope to have more time than is predicted with her, I can't imagine how it's going to be skipping through this thing called life as a twin without a mate.

How about you? Do you ever find yourself hopping around on one foot trying to not to get scorched yet knowing full well it's going to happen?

Saturday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful to have a nice long day with my sister and to get to go back tonight for a Saturday sleep over.

Order in the chaos.

Making patterns, this feels so comfortable right now. It's the only order I have in the chaos right at this moment. So, blue daisy pattern has shown up. It is what it is I guess.

Friday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a morning full of prayer with warm and wonderful people.

Crumble, crumble.

Hospice and 42 year old mother, wife, sister, are words that should NEVER be used in the same sentence. Sometimes we stand alone and solitary while the world crumbles around us. They say that's part of life. Who is this group of people called "they?" I'd like to have a word with them.

Thursday's Gratitude:

I have to say on this particular day, I come up empty with my gratitude. When I think of something, I'll come back.

Perceptions.

per⋅cep⋅tion

 

[per-sep-shuhn] –noun

1.	the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.

2.	immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment: an artist of rare perception.

3.	the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept.

Perception. That is a funny and tricky word. We all have them, about every single person we come into contact with. Often times we percieve something we think is truth only to be way off base, further from the truth than we could possibly imagine. 

For example, I happen to live very close to an all boy's Catholic high school which nestled into an established older neighborhood. From the outside, the school is quite lovely, having just recovered from a major remodel, yet it still has charm and warmth seeping from it's spanish roof tiles and large shade trees. I haven't really had an opinion regarding that school other than they seem to blend nicely into the community and add an element of substance that might not be there if the school were located elsewhere.

Well, one day on a long morning walk, I came across a home owner directly across from the school and we greeted each other pleasantly. I commented about her yard as she had just landscaped and she moved on to mention her distaste for the school across the street. She hates them. Her disgruntlement runs deep and has for many years due to a disagreement with the sports program and numerous broken windows. I was surprised. My perception of that school is changed, although not too much as I don't have the entire story, but changed none the less because now I have some insider information.

Another example is when on another morning walk with my dog, I came across this lady letting her dog run crazy all over the place and into a busy street. I told her she should consider keeping her dog on a leash. It turned out her room mate rescued the dog, it got out, she was trying to get him back to safety while running around in her work clothes and being late for work.

Everyday I have perceptions of people. Perceptions of many people I know, along with many I don't. I am sure many have perceptions of me too, but it is quite shocking to discover what they actually may be. Especially people who know you, especially people who SHOULD know you but they let their perceptions run the course and make decisions upon those perceptions. I am talking about a personal situation I cannot go into details about, but it has made me look closely at this word, this funny and tangled word, perception.

I try very hard not to make assumptions about people and today I vow to try even harder. I am going to give people the benefit of the doubt and when in doubt, ask. There is no room to make assumptions or have perceptions without insider information. When we do, we most likely will be wrong.

How about you? Do you make make perceptions of people without having the inside scoop?

Wednesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the generosity of friends. That means you Barron!

Embracing Life.

I love life. I hope I live it to the fullest. Most days I think I do. Have regrets? A few, still working on that one. Embracing life, it's a life long journey.

How about you? Do you embrace life?

Quote for the Day:
"Courage. Courage. Courage. Fear nothing. Rejoice even in the darkest place."

Tuesday's Gratitude:
I am so grateful for a few nice lingering moments with coffee and a good friend today. Thanks Nancy!

Indulge.

Geez. Life. It sure is an interesting thing, I tell you. After another visit to the hospital today, I decided to see what comes next after this line up. Indulgence is my new subject at the moment. I am sure my son and two nieces will not be disappointed.

Intentional living.

"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." - James Allen

This is a quote that was on my home page. I have an inspirational quote gadet that pops out a new quote everytime I open my home page. That probably amounts to at least twenty five quotes a day. It seems that many of them lately have been relating to the energy one puts out with their thoughts and actions. Interesting...

What's popping up in your life that makes you go hmmmm?

On another note, after eating Pick Up Stix for dinner (brought to us by the lovely Lily), I opened a fortune cookie with a fortune that read, "Today will be lucky and memorable for you." I was already lucky by finding a brand new unopened pack of gum while walking my son into the school entrance, so I wonder what the memorable part is going to be. Hmmmm.

Monday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for more time to paint which in turn channels energy for me.

Sunday . . . funday.

Hmmhmmm. A lovely day spent inside my studio painting like a mad woman. It was a fun day for sure. I finished up these two from a few days ago and I'm onto a few more.

Sunday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a day of painting. Pure bliss.

A laugh a day.

Seriously, I think I need to get rid of my television. I heard my son singing this yesterday... "Viva. Viva Viagra!" to the tune of Viva Las Vegas. Go figure, he mostly watches sports on ESPN. Interesting how I explained THAT one!

Saturday please stick around longer...

Saturday sped on by but I was able to finish this.

Great quote to ponder...

"We first make our habits, and then our habits make us." - John Dryden

Saturday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a FANTASTIC group of friends who take my son and nieces out to the movies and dinner. Fabulous friends make life worth living indeed.

Friday's Shanangans

Oooo, great quote for the day that just showed up on my home page... good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts.

"You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts." - Brian Tracy

What are you attracting into your life at this moment? 

Friday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for a day to catch up on work. And that's a very good thing.

Tonal Reds.

Hmmm, more patterns. I see a pattern developing! Today I had poinsettias on my mind so this is a beginning sketch for a repeat pattern. Sort of Christmas-y but not too much so with the tonal colors. Still a work in progress...

I had the most delightful meeting today with my really good friend Clea. She is always very funny, so incredibly clever and undeniably attentive to our conversations. I love her insight about everyday things and am so glad to call her my friend. Also a very talented writer, she has 14 published books. Go check her out on Amazon! 

One of our discussions was about keeping lists and writing down goals and the power that rests in the written word. We both have sauntered away from doing that exact thing and feel the draw of getting back to it. Once you have expressed your thoughts onto paper, it is just a matter of time before that thought becomes a reality. The written word has a venerable quality that doesn't exist only in a thought. I made my list today, did you get yours done?

On the topic of talented people, I just got back from dinner with my newest art friend Ned and his lovely friend Patrick. Ned and I met at our children's illustration class a few months ago but became friends instantly. Don't you love when you meet someone new and feel like you have known them forever? I do. Anyway, at dinner, Ned was telling me about a very funny story of a rock climbing adventure he had that involved hanging from heights while doing the splits. It was so hilarious that I couldn't help but bust out laughing, of course it was right when I had a mouth full of seabass. Yes, I spit fish all over myself and I couldn't help it. I hope Ned will overlook my my sloppy eating habits!

Thursday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for my group of creative friends.

Monstera leaves.

More patterns emerging. Monstera leaves have always been an interesting plant and for some reason I have been thinking about them so here they are in a pattern.

Do you have certain things that repeatedly show up in your life?

Wednesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for an accomplishing day.

Tuesday's after Monday.

Hello there. Where in the world did Monday go to? Seems I missed a day. I can't get it back but I'll try to make up for the neglect on my blog...

Here are a few photos from my rep from the Surtex show. New prospects are coming in and I can't wait to tell the news. For now though, mums the word. This is the booth with art from all the artists my agent represents. There is some really nice art! I am so honored to be a part of the team. Can you see which ones are mine? (If you can't, don't worry. I had a hard time seeing them too. There are several splattered all around the booth though, yipee!)

I took my sister out for a drive today. This makes me laugh as it sounds like we are a couple of old ladies dressed in their Sunday best, driving ten miles under the speed limit! I suppose it was sort of like that except for the Sunday best, the old lady part and the driving under the speed limit. Frozen yogurt was our destination however, and that could be sort of a geriatric effort, I guess. Anyway, it was nice to be out in the sunshine and have my sister grasp somewhat of a "normal" afternoon. Everyday she gains just a little more strength. Nice.

Quote for the day:

Monday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for really deep, generous friendships.

Tuesday's Gratitude:

I am so grateful for the time to prep eight canvases! Whoo-hoo!