Today was the first day I didn't consume every moment with preparations of planning a memorial service or a celebration of life reception. It was the first day I felt the heavy weight of grief without any distractions. It felt like an eighteen wheeler has run over me. At the reception yesterday, I didn't have the chance to reflect on a lifetime with my sister. I suppose the slide show of 50+ photographs told the whole story but I had words to say. They are feeble words and certainly lacking in capturing the entire scope of being a twin but it's what I was prepared to say none the less. I miss her more than I can express.
So here goes:
I don't really have the words to sum up 42 years of living with my twin sister. Not only was she generous, lighthearted, intense, creative, loyal, giving, stylish, and graceful, I'd say the most outstanding quality of her was her sense of fun. She was always looking for a way to laugh, even from the very beginning.
She also taught me many things, not even knowing she was my teacher. One of the most important things was, she showed me how to be a good parent, how to make it fun. She encouraged me to always express my creativity. She showed me there's nothing like a woman with her own set of power tools, she could build and fix anything. She taught me how to overcome my fear of cooking, and how to do that simply and with finesse. She taught me little things like the importance of white dishes, white and black furniture and how to stage a room. She taught me to not be afraid to throw things away so you don't end up with a bunch of clutter. She also taught me to suck it up sometimes and take the focus off myself.
I was introduced to my large group of friends because she encouraged me to send my son to City Tree Christian School. Through her I have made many quality friendships and have strengthened my faith. It was a joy and an honor to have graced her presence for a lifetime. She will be missed more than she could ever know.
I do know for a fact that she is up in heaven, with my father. We talked in depth on her last day, about my father who came to visit her. He told her he was coming back and she was so glad because he looked so happy. She knew without a doubt she was going to a fabulous place and she is probably sitting on the edge of heaven with my dad, looking down, kicking her feet and smiling. She really was so peaceful about the whole thing. Even in the end, she still was my teacher because she showed me, and all of us how not to be afraid of death. She was so beautiful, peaceful and full of grace. There is life after death and she showed me that and for that I am ever so grateful.
