Little thoughts of love on a rainy afternoon.
Thoughts in my head:
Yesterday, in my post, I mentioned realizing my childhood was not what I thought it was all these years. Yes, that indeed is true. But, I didn't mention that although I am questioning the so called facade, I have many happy memories as a child and most of them contain my twin sister. We laughed a lot as children, even when things weren't that great. I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything because the good parts and the difficult parts helped make me who I am today.
I only talk about personal things like the above because I am realizing that many of us have stories that we don't talk about, we keep them inside. Sometimes we think someone else may not understand or we are embarrassed or we are afraid of truth. If we can get over that hurdle, well, we have something to share and exchange with one another. Sometimes it's easier to just read something that someone else has written and see a tiny bit of resemblance or glimmer of hurt to know that we are not alone. That is why I write some of these personal things.
I know for a fact I don't write them to complain, or hurt certain people. I write them to explore ideas and sudden bits of knowledge that have slapped me across the face. Because really, I am just trying to figure all of this out. Secrets and truths of life that is. I like to share because just maybe someone will realize that it's OK to share the vulnerable parts. . . if I can do that for just one person then I have had a really good day.
Mostly what I was trying to convey about realizing my childhood was different than my memories was that there is someone in my life that should have shown up during really difficult times last year and sadly, they didn't. They turned and ran in the other direction. That shocked me to my core. I didn't understand why. Careful observation and inquiring has led me to understand because now I realize it's been that way for most of my life and I just never saw that. I didn't want to see it because frankly, that really hurts. Time has gifted me with forgiveness in my heart but the trust. . . oh, it's gone. And that is too bad. But rest assured, I am a show up kind of girl. If you need me. . . I will show up. And that's all I wanted to say. . .
How about you? Have you been shocked by family behaviors?
Tuesday's Gratitude:
I am so grateful for a day home with my son. He's the shiniest, brightest star in the universe.
The time of year for school gala and auctions is slowly creeping upon us. I am coordinating my son's class art project, a labor of love in a mosaic water fountain. I've never created a water feature before but lots of mosaic pots so this is going to be an interesting adventure for sure. If I plan it right, all the kids have to do is stick on a few broken tiles in designated spots and then I'll fill it all in with colored grout. Fool proof, right! Ha! Hoping it turns out fantastic!
